As a general rule, people are remarkably perceptive. If you are irritated with your customers, they will often pick up on it. So instead of trying to hide your anger or frustration with customers, try this 2-step technique instead:

1. Identify the “should” judgment that you have about a customer. It might be “the customer should know this” or “the customer shouldn’t treat me like this” or “the customer should’ve contacted me sooner.” The “should” judgment in your own mind is fueling your anger and frustration with a difficult customer.
2. Try to challenge your “should” judgment with some “maybe” thoughts. It might be “maybe they just don’t get it” or “maybe they never learned basic social skills in their own family” or “maybe they’re going through a tough time right now, like a divorce or a death in the family.”

When we can challenge our own assumptions about what people should know, should think, should feel, and should do, we can often let go of some of the tightness that we experience around difficult customers.

I once witnessed a branch manager at a bank whose customers seemed to angrily accost him on a daily basis, yelling at him about everything from overdraft fees to mortgage payments. Even in the face of the harshest assaults, the branch manager never seemed to get angry! His secret was to drop all thoughts about what people “should” be doing and simply educate his customers because they didn’t understand. Not only did this allow him to leave the bank with the same level of calmness as when he arrived, but he also enjoyed extremely high customer service satisfaction scores and employee retention.

There is no rule written anywhere in the universe about what people “should” be. Try to free yourself from your own expectations!